I thought that I couldn’t fall deeper than before. The tunnel is getting deeper and deeper by the day. I thought I found my way out. Rising, crawling and searching my way out for a light of happiness. But somehow, this quick sand is dragging me deeper and deeper to the bottom. I wish I could breath. I wish I could find a way to hold on to maybe a black vine. My hand keeps on reaching hoping for something to come my way. Drag me to the surface something or someone. I need air I need light. This lethal poison is eating me day by day. Oh yes I wish I were strong. I wish god still hear my cries and prays. I wish someone will hold my hand and fight by my side. Help me I wanted to breath. I want to find my way out. I’m giving up. I’m cold. I’m surrendering my self to the darkness. What will come out of this life for me? As people started to walk. I’m crawling backwards. I’m giving up. Hold my hand please when you said you love me, dear thorn. Life is bitter as it is. I thought we are drinking the same poison, why am I sinking faster and you are reaching your way out. Why am I still here as you found your way out?
Dear blood you are bringing your own sun to warm you, instead of taking me with you. Dear poisonous blood, as my heart explodes will you be far away from here without remembering what I told you. Forgetting what I’m going through. Will you just walk away with an excuse that you did this for me. I can’t see which part of this is mine. Which part except hoping me to be strong for you, being there for you, holding your hand and protecting you from the evil faces are any advantages of mine except it is all my sacrifice for your arrogant life.
Am I looking at this flat surface as a maze? Or is it true my life is tangled? Am I making my life difficult? What should I actually feel? What should I actually do? All I see are puzzles, riddles, questions and pieces. I keep pouring my sacrifices, keeping me deeper and deeper in the room without oxygen. I cry below and I cry above. Which path should I follow? I’m getting lost in my own mistakes, sacrifices, decisions, illusions and heart. I am swallowed deeper and deeper in my own heart. I need you my poison. I need you to hold my hand. I need you to breath air and give me some sun light. Life is getting colder and colder each day. I need warmth. I need to be safe. I need a way out.
The curtain is closing. Everything is getting darker and darker my dear story. Everything seems out of my reach. One day my song will be sung and I’ll find my way to stand. I know I will. When I do, I’ll make sure you are with me, dear story. Coz you’ll remind me of my 20 darkest times. When I breathe light and when I touch the sun I will be thankful and grateful for the strength I have. Not because of you dear wound, but it’s all because I can.
