“The Boots”..yap that type!

Bloggy bloggy..how I miss to babble.. ha ha ha

Anyways life is life. Mine somehow still sinking all the way to the bottom, still trying to swim to the surface any day now. Waiting until I have the strength to come out and inhale the lovely fresh air. Keeping my heads up and a clear mind. Storm will pass I know it will. After I say goodbye to my summer I’m waiting for my autumn to pass me by and say welcome to my winter. Hope this winter will bring me a white and clean start. Hope it will be as white as the snow.

Anyways, enough with the stupid babble and it’s time for my story. I fell in love with “The Boots”..yap that type!..ha ha ha.. For people who are aware with my name on my MSN. Here is the explanation. I fell in love with the classic tall uggs. I love classic and simple style. They never die, well that’s my opinion. It always make a come back.

Tips: keep your basic things, you’ll need it.

I fell in love with the boots since my first year here in Holland. What do I love from it? It is simple, it is comfortable, and it will make me warm. We have the right connection and right sentiment. It is the right type! But then I started to wonder, could it be the same in searching for the right pair in life?

We should have seen relationship as simple as possible, which actually it is complicated as it can be. If you have too many points to be covered how far could you go with it? We gotta take our standard down a notch. For me, that’s what I’m trying to do. Screw the stupid line I want a guy like this and that. For me, as long I’m comfortable and we have the right sentiment then that is the guy. Now I laid my eyes to one boots and I like to keep it that way. And that is what I have to one certain someone.

I have been patient for one type of boots for three years and I have been patient for a certain someone for cannot be describe how long.

I started to ask myself, will I have “the boots”, the pair that I want?.. Does “the boots” want to be owned by me?..

I hope soo…=)

BABYHOOD!

WARNING: THIS IS A LONG BLOG, PREPARE SOME CHIPS AND DRINKS WHILE YOU READ THROUGH IT!

I chat with Kemal yesterday. One of his friends has a baby. CONGRATULATIONS! Anyways, he sends me the pictures. You wont believe how beautiful she is. This "little human version" that comes out from a woman body after more or less 9 months old. I can’t imagine how they feel the first time they saw their baby. I can’t imagine how grateful and happy they could be. After I chat I started to remember, there is this phrase in Indonesia that says parents love to their children is indescribable, unlimited, uncountable and it never runs dry nor stop. The love will pour and pour in every of our days. how come?

It is amazing, even as naughty as we could be, as we act rebellion to all their rules, they keep loving us. We did and do things that they expect us not to do, after all the stupid things we do they still could love us pure and true. If that happens in dating that will be the day we broke up. I believe parent’s love to their children is the purest love you can find. We could say that they are sooooo annoying with all their complains to us, but that is just a prove of love. But then I started to wonder, how does my parents feel the day they know they will have a child of their own? How they feel afterwards? What is the story behind Amanta?

I decided to ask my dad instead. I know he wouldn’t sugar coated things or dramatized the story. I am my parent first-born child. They had to wait for 7 years till god trust me to my beloved parent. They keep trying to be pregnant for 5 years till one day they started to think; if god will trust us with a baby, we will have one (at least) someday. I am a Muslim. Somehow this is just a story how my Muslim parent see this thing. We as a Muslim believes that a child is something that god ask and trust us to care, to protect, to love, and to raise. We don’t own that child 100%, coz in anyways the child is god to own. Unbelievable, they decided not to go to the doctor for a fertility test. They want to avoid the fight that could happen, in other words will be blaming each other. Well they just pray that maybe god will trust them with a child. They just leave it to FAITH.

Till one day, my dad feels that there was something weird from my mom (no need the details right?). He asked her to go to the doctor. She went. She’s pregnant. I was 3 months old when they knew. In Indonesia by that time, there is no such the USG technology. So they couldn’t know what is my gender. My dad asked the doctor. The doctor predicts that I am a boy coz of my strong and healthy heartbeat. Unbelievable! He thought I was a boy! I guess doctors could be wrong.

Five almost 6 months later, it was time for me to get out from my moms belly (I did wonder how it feels in there..hehehe). In the 80’s and before that time, in Indonesia fathers are not allowed to be in the delivery room (I don’t know how it goes in your country). That is why my dad had to wait outside. All he can hear was my mom screaming in pain, and after a while he could hear me cry. That was Sunday, 30 September 1984. The next thing my dad hears the nurse told my mom, “congratulation, your baby is pretty”. My dad started to think; pretty? if the baby is pretty I don’t think the baby is a boy. So yeah here I am in this world. I was a baby girl named Amanta Shakina that comes after 7 years of my parent’s pray, they wish and they wait patiently. I can feel tears started to fall on my face as my dad told me the story.

I ask him how did it felt? You can tell different things about feelings. But the only thing he said that what I should know is how thankful they are finally trusted to have a child. He told me how thankful he is to have my little brother and me. I guess he just can’t describe how it feels. But, by that time all I can feel is the love that I get and still getting from my parent, while my dad gave me all the parts of my start, my babyhood in the world.

I never knew my stories. I should be honest, that we (as one family) never have a chance to sit down and talk. I do want to know when did I start to crawl and pull things? What was my first word? How do they see me now? Are they proud of me? There are many questions I want to ask but I guess I’ll keep it till I go back to my lovely country.

I can’t lie sometimes I did complain that I felt they don’t love me, that they love my brother more or what so ever that I said when I was a little girl. But now I see it in a different way, they just couldn’t show their love in a way I expected but it doesn’t mean they stop loving me or don’t love me. All I could say; my brother and I are lucky to be love by them. And i hope after you read this you'll show more appreciation to your parents. Knowing they love you more than you know. Whether you're near or far.

Rebound Crush!

I know! It has been a long time since the last time I wrote for this blog. Yeah, no new stories that I could turn into a blog or I might say, too complicated to become a blog. Now I’m in my friends’ room. I checked my mail. Happy I am to read a message from one of my dear friend. I guess you’ll be aware to the photographer dude. From the story he up dated me, it made me think, Is it normal to have a rebound crush?

It is obvious when you are breaking up with someone there should be certain percentages that it turns out you’ll need someone next to you. You need someone to ease the crazy pain. The person could be your friends, a family, or just someone randomly that happens to be in the right place in just the right time. But then from that situation, could you predict how it will turned out from the rebound game?

Imagine you use to have a cup poured and filled by love. It is being filled for a while until the love spills out from the cup. Then one crazy day, it stops pouring. Then the love in the cup runs dry. Panic comes. What happens after that? That’s when most people do; they tried to find a distraction. It’s a total different thing then moving on. However, it is one of the stone you sometimes have to step to move on. Could I say it’s a crime? Well to be honest I can’t.

Now if one of the person in the rebound game started to have a different feelings and hoping that the situation could change to a real “love me love you” situation, I might suggested: DON'T! Why?

As I said, the person that started the rebound game just needed someone to calm the situation, a hand to hold, or a shoulder to cry. I could say it is sort of a shock therapy. If you change that situation and take it to a “different road” do you really think it will work?

Well everything could happen that’s true. It’s not a crime to hope. But if you decided to go on that road, then prepare your self for the worst. When he/she moved on so you have to hold the umbrella for your rainy day. It'll hurt! But then yeah you know what the worst scene that could happen from the start. But then what happen if you went a step further, you wonder what is his/her feeling after a while you’ve been holding their hands? Now take the worst scene. What happen if he/she leaves without a 1-week notice afer you wonder?

Sorry dear buddy, if he/she leaves without any notice, I guess you can figure out by yourself what is the answer. You may have an opinion that maybe they’re just not ready for a new relationship kind of thing. But I suggested don’t even go to that place. If they do have a feeling for you they’ll let you know black and white. I like you but I’m not ready sentenced should be delivered to you in any time. They wouldn’t let you slip away. Well that’s the theory I got. there should be certain points to be concidered in the real life. But then I wonder do people now have the guts to book their next date or they will just let love slips away coz they're not sure or scared? Special message for my far away friend: You are right, see her as one of the great thing that is part of your life. But don’t stay in that hole too long. Pull your self-together, pack your bags and continue your journey. She might be not the lady to walk with you. She is just not your missing piece. You might need to wait for the right one to come. You might ask your self where is your piece? She is close by! 2 pieces that should be together wouldn’t be too far away from each other. They always find their way to be together. Whether it is planed or even by accident. Life is a ball of miracle, you'll never know what or who will be waiting just around the corner.