One of the things that you have to do in life is to adapt. You come in to a new school you adapt, new office you adapt, new house, meet new people and so on and so forth. However, sometimes you just feel things don’t work. If things just don’t work as YOU plan or hope or feel should you just give up or keep on trying to adapt until you fit for some of it?
For me one of the though thing in adapting issue form is to check list couldn't adapt in my new home. It felt weird sometimes. You live in a house. You live there let’s say with your friends, 5 or maybe 2 of your friends. You get a long in live. You get a long pretty well. But when you live together in a house you see more of them. You knew them more than you used too. You observed their habits. You tried to learn their likes, their dislikes. You observe more how they dress, how they react, how they tend to answer your thoughts and so on. But, there are times when things seem not clicking. Then I started to wonder, should we just give up? Or just suck it all in? Or just hope for the best that things will work out someday?
For me home have to be a home. By the meaning home is that you feel comfortable and you can't wait to come in to the place you called home when you are outside. Anywhere it is, when you have your own area and you live in it has to feel like home. In one way you want to act like yourself in your own house, do the things that you just enjoy at a place you called home.
I know it sounds selfish, I live with others who probably have their own problems with this home not being a home for them as well. But somehow I could see them act like they do love to be in the house. They gave the relieve look as they came through our front door. Why could they manage and I just could not?
It seems my friends manage to do what they like to do in the house. I see them managing to find what they love in the house. Somehow for me, I find it hard to find my “comfort zone”. I felt guilty sometimes to stay in my room the whole day. I felt guilty when I didn’t have a chance to clean the house or even cook before my roommates come. Then I ask myself, is it me?
Sometimes I feel like a drop of oil in a bottle of water. I just don’t mix, the conversation and all seems to be clashing and collapsing all over the place. If I could just see my home as a bowl of salad, me and my friends will be a great mix just need to add salt and pepper we will live happily ever after (supposedly). But for me, i see it as if we are in a relationship and we are living together we will be separating things by now. But then again I realize, it’s not about my friends whom I living with. It’s me and myself trying to feel comfortable.
Now I see my self as a person who can’t live in a group in the same time I can’t be out of the group. If I live in a herd of zebras I prefer to be in the back line instead of in the middle of the herd or not even in the front-line to lead. I will love to have the companion, in the same time I don’t want to be followed or observed from the back. I prefer I am the one who observing without being bothered that someone is following or will be complaining. But, if I ever will be a lost zebra I don’t think I’ll manage for it.
I ask my self what do I want? is it that difficult to adapt? Or am I seeing things far too complicated? How do I make home a sweet home?
