Back For My Luggage

Did you ever wonder how much you could remember from the past? Did you ever analyze how you travel from the past, wondering in the present and how will you arrive to the future? How detail did you remember from the past? Even if you keep track and create every milestones of your life in your diary there’s no guarantee that every minute, every second of your life is listed. Yeah I did wonder about it. Who I am now, who I use to be, how I use to think, how I use to see certain issues and what would I decide by that time, will I decide the same thing like today. Where would I be and who I will be in the future? Two days ago I stared at the sky. We were enjoying warm drinks by that time, reducing the cold we have brought in to the room. I was with my friends in the Eerste café at central station, Amsterdam. That day was the day when we signed the contract for our future temporary home. Yeah, we got it baby!.. Well anyways, we got into the café and it was raining outside. Shower rain. Heavy shower. The sky turns dark. If I’m not mistaken, it was only 4.30 P.M. I can’t blame the sky for the season decided to change. I guess it was time for the change. I welcome winter with smile and make sure that I didn’t frown. Then after quite some times, the waiters were chatting next to us. One of them point at the window right next to me and the other one instantly stared. As he stared I decided to follow. As I see far outside, there was ray of light through the sky curtain of gray clouds. The beautiful sunset ray found its way to shine this part of the earth. I didn’t notice when did the rain stops pouring. But still, the sun seems to found its way to say goodnight, which signing its task for that day was done. Somehow it hurts to see the sun go, even though I know I’ll meet the sun again. Occupied by the sun, not realizing that a plane passing by. The minute I saw the plane, my imagination went with it. I remember “my coffee”, and it reminds me of his dad. Funny how it seems, but it’s entirely true. As the plane flew through the dark clouds, I said to my friends, “ I bet that plane is having a turbulence coz it is flying through thick, dark clouds” and afterwards I said to myself, in a minute the rain will fall again. The dark clouds are here in this part of the earth. I know when I was a kid, I did thought that thunder is a sign that god is angry. I tried to remember of my childhood, did I ever think that rain were tears of the sky, coz maybe we made them sad. But that day I did fell sad. It seems the sky was reflecting what I felt at that time. As I followed the plane with my eyes, seems it flew to the end of the world, in life journey I wonder could we fly back to the past? Of course no will be the answer. But still, life is a journey. We pack stuffs to bring with us. Some we left it at home, some new thing we bring to the next destination. That’s just the way on how you prepare your trip. I know I keep repeating that. I remember my last journey. Departure Indonesia. Arrival Holland. I’ve been back in Holland for 2 weeks now. However, 2 week ago as my trip continued on a plane, as my life continued as well. 16 hours journey on the plane was right in front of me, I’m starting my life journey in the plane. The life in the plane was bitter sweet, in its own ways. People greet each other as they notice they came from the same country. I could hear clearly “The Dutch men” greet and share their “wine” of experience to one another, the bitter the sweet. The “1st stewardess” you meet greets you. The “2nd stewardess” helps you to your seat and store your “luggage” in the upper compartment. She just helped you to restore it for the short life journey in the plane. The “3rd stewardess” makes sure that you are comfortable, answer to your questions, and make sure you are safe and prepared. The next “the head of stewardess” greets you, she thought you what you need to know in the journey. From the knowledge you need, informing you, guiding you, explaining to you, until taking care you. The next thing you know, you saw the sign. You learn. You have to put your seat belts on and after a while the plane started to move. The “captain” checked the flaps, checked the brake, the engine and so on. The captain introduces him self, he explains to you, he informs you, he make sure and checked. He controls the journey. The next thing you know he said it’s time to leave. And we are off. As we left the runway, my heart ache, it seems I left my “luggage” back at home. I couldn’t go back and bring it with me. Not for now, not for quite sometime. I just stare as the city fades away behind the clouds. Turbulence. That’s what I met. But after that it was a clear blue sky, steady flight. I throw my sight as far as I can see. Just clear blue sky. I see the soft, wavy clouds beneath me. It’s white like I used to draw it looks comfortable and warm. I wonder how something seems so soft could cause so much turbulence. It gave the rumbles. Time passed by I saw the sunset in front of my eyes. The sun is saying goodbye. I know I’ll see it again. But somehow I am not sure that the moon and the stars will shine on me that night cause I know I left my “luggage”. I know it is filled with my precious things. My heart felt empty without it and my heart felt heavy at the same time. I felt sad. My “luggage”. My mom and my brother. I missed them. Yes, they are the luggage I can’t bring. I told “my coffee”. He said I’d be ok. I ask my self, would something change from the” luggage”? Will everything be the same when I return? I know there have been many changes. I know there’s a possibility for it. Even the sunny day change to a dark night. “My coffee” holds my hand and I was floating. I float as the plane flew. I close the shades of my plane window, I felt safe. Hours passed by. I open the shades of my plane window. I throw my sight as far as I can see. It was dark out, but there are some things that sparkled. It’s not the rain. It was the stars. It was glittering on the dark sky. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I saw that many stars in the sky. I couldn’t remember how beautiful a night sky could be. Probably that is one of the missing memories. Anyways, the stars were uncountable. It was beautiful. Apparently stars did shine on me that night but then, turbulence greets me afterwards, few more for the rest of the journey. Some just “greets” for a while and some did “stay for a chat”. It really did stay for a while. I try not to be bothered and enjoy the rest of the journey. Once and a while I hold “my coffee” for comfort, try not to bother his rest. It was the time to land. Return to the ground. I haven’ t miss the ground yet. But the journey has to end. Well the “captain” said so. The stars left, but somehow the sun hasn’t come. But I don’t mind, I know I’ll meet the sun again. After I landed, a new journey starts on its own. No “stewardess” or “captains”. But, I met my friends, the “luggage” that I left in Holland. It was sweet of them to come. I now they’ll leave sometime after. But, then again I know I’ll meet them again. I drag my luggage with me and try not to cry for missing the “luggage” back home. That was my sky journey. That was part of my life. I know it is over, for now. But I know I’ll be return way up there again someday. I know some pieces of my past is missing, but it’s ok I kept the precious ones in mind. I’ll get the rest when I come back. I’m living in this moment. I’m living in my seconds. Don’t worry I already plan my next destination. Wish me luck for it. As I stroll with my luggage in one hand, holding “my coffee” in the other, and I strolled my way to my flat. Back for my “luggage” here in Holland and try to find some more new “luggage” for me to keep.

cut of the X tag..could we?

I don’t want to be cynical in life but sometimes you just can’t help it. Anyways, today is kinda depressing. The weather is actually great outside. The sun is shinning and totally not a fake sun like in the wintertime. Anyways, some say that good day make a good mood. Apparently not for my last 2 fabulous weather days. I was being negative instead. My mood is kinda down. 2 bright warm days turns out to be a disaster.

While I feel bothered by the phrase I mention above (that I was hoping for good days), apparently it turned out the other way around. I started to think about “the virus” in a relationship. Don’t ask how did I get there. Anyways. Relationship is like a baby. It need to be pampered, it need to be taken care of. But it doesn’t mean it couldn’t be ill, It couldn’t be in pain once and a while, it doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be anything that will interfere. Yeah, the virus. One of the viruses in a relationship is the X. What do you do with an X?

I believe there are two kinds of X in the world of relationship, the X you make peace with and the X you make war with. The X you made peace with is the X that you could be friends with, either he/she is your X or your partner X. But then there are the bothering X the ones that made you or your partner insecure with their present.

Me personally, I try to be friends with X. Hey it couldn’t be deny that those guys did fill my days in their own periods of time (and my boyfriends Ex.’s did fill his days). The closer we are as friends with an X the better. By that phrase I mean I try to keep as friends and hope we could be good friends. We do know each other, it’s just more than a friend relationship doesn’t work, right? Our X and us just not the shoes that fits. Face it we couldn’t force a relationship that doesn’t work. That’s why we choose to break up and we should be friends.

Why is it so hard to get along with an X?

There should be a reason that we couldn’t get along with an X. The bothering X. The X that create an insecure vibe to the new comers. Couldn’t be denied that there is some annoying X, where they use their ticket as a friend in a wrong way. Well what can I say if feelings are still involve it could be bad for an X. Break up is hard. So what can we try to do? Trust me it’s a hard thing to do. It needs time and process. Be friends with an X and an X to be friends with the new girl/boy. Then I started to wonder does everybody get along with the X?

Well some of us do get along. But, there still some of us that don’t. As a grown up, we do have to learn to act and think like one. All I know is as a girlfriend of a man I don’t want to have a fight with an X and as an X I don’t want to be tag as an X friend instead by the end of the day. All of that is just a theory of course. Well it worked with me so far in practice even though it is hard to gain trust Even though I tried to make peace as a friend or friends with an X, sometime miss understanding do take place. With the ups and downs in trying to be a friend with an X, I still wonder, could we really make peace with an X?

It will depend of what kind of X we made us to be by the end of the day. As I said I am an X myself. But as an X I do try to open my eyes and see. If I was the girl next to that guy what I don’t want an X to do? We as an X do have a right to be acknowledged as a friend. There are no rights to erase an X that try to be friends. But of course we as an X should have an attitude with boundaries (remember don’t cross the line). As an X to my X-boyfriends, I just try to put a mirror in front of me and try not to be a threat to my X-boyfriends relationship with the new girl. Basically if we act not threatening I don’t think any one will feel threatened with our present. So to the X out there, do act with boundaries, act like real friends should do. It doesn’t mean if you are an X you have an extra rights from friends limit and turn yourself into foe. Nothing is impossible if we try to do something right. Try to cut the X tag? Could you?

Heart in Ayam Kecap

“My coffee” and his weird craving. He craved for my own recipe of what we called “Ayam Kecap”. I am not a good chef. I use the real name of the cuisine and I will make it in my own ways. What did I actually do? I just made it by predicting what ingredients it should be in it and hope it taste good. Surprisingly, My coffee loves it. Even worst, there was always time when there are guests staying at my place. But, again I haven’t done any grocery shopping. So what I do is, I open my fridge; see what I have in stock. Figure something out and create something that I guess my guests could enjoy (at least I hope they did..hi hi). Bottom line, I create foods without names. If you ask me again what’s in it, I will answer I do not know all I know it wont kill you. But, I do love cooking even though I never follow any recipe. I love to stay in the kitchen and just mix something (sometimes burn something). I didn’t say I am a pro, did I.

Once I live with my friends; Farrah and Teri. One night, Farrah wanted to cook for us dinner. She only fried the frozen chicken burger and we plan to eat it with rice. She did burn the chicken, but we had a laugh. We appreciate her heart with it and still have that moment as a giggle for once and a while until now. I started to wonder, so what made that night fun? What made the food still taste good even though it was burned kinda bad?

Maybe the love of friendship that we shared while we enjoy that food made the food taste more delicious and made us miss the moment even more. Maybe the heart that my friend give unconsciously while she made it, made us appreciate the meal we had that night. I guess that’s where good memories come from.

Anyways talking about making something with heart, I believe that everything you make will be wonderful if you give your love or I should say a little bit of heart in it. For example, if you have an assignment to draw something. You hate drawing. But then again, you have to. If you made the drawing with a little bit of heart, automatically you will spend more time on it. Of course the people who made with a will to do it, will spent more time in their job as well. But, what I’m trying to say is if you made it with heart people will see the result differently. They will feel your passion in it and that will make them appreciate your creation even more. Not just a creation from a hard worker. Not just a drawing that was made just because you have to. If you did something with love, I guess everybody will appreciate it. What is my real point you may ask?

My point is, we need to have the passion to do things. We need the will and sincere feelings in process. We need a little bit of heart as part of it. Love could be transferred through anything. It could be sent through food, through eye contact, through art, through every single thing. No wonder everyone love their mothers home baked cookies. Maybe we consume the love that it was given as the food was created. Like I always said love goes two ways, if people receive your love, believe me it will return to you in many ways, sooner or later. Nothing to loose in trying and put a little heart in everything. By the end of the day, when you know someone love what you made then you know you receive some of the love you sent out. There is enough amount of love in the world. You wouldn’t ran out of it if you share it in life. So, as a closure I’ll say, “Ayam Kecap, anyone?”

What will you do in your last minute?

My friend forced me to watch a movie called “if Only”. Anyways, that movie made me miss “my coffee” even more. It made me realize even more, how lucky I am. That movie made me realize how caring for someone could be so beautiful. It is funny how everybody starts his or her care for his or her special someone. Maybe, he/she is someone that you accidentally bump in your life where faith bring you two in one point to be one. But, there should be something about him/her that attracts you. Afterwards, you care for them more than you realize. After all those feelings rushing in, the weird part is you are willing to do crazy things for them. But then I started to wonder in that roller coaster, how long it would last? How much are you willing for that feeling to last? I guess it depends on how much you appreciate the feeling that you both have. Then I started to wonder, how much you could appreciate what you have?

In that movie it shows that the guy had to went through such a bad tragedy to realized how much he love his girl. He got to face a tragedy to feel how much he didn’t treat his girl right, where actually the girl was always there for him just to make everything better. After the tragedy he knows how much he don’t want to loose her. He regret for not showing how much he needed her. Anyways, after that movie I know that there is one point where you just regretted for not showing enough of your love. But, do you need “regret” to show love? How can we realize “love” before “regret” comes?

Imagine when it snows in wintertime. You see how beautiful the town could be all cover in white. But when the snow disappears you just regret why you didn’t take at least one picture of it. You remembered that you were too lazy to go out and face the cold in that time. You thought that it would last at least for another day. You did hope that you might be able to see it the next morning when you opened your bedroom curtains. My point is that we imagine, what will we feel if we loose our special someone. What will we do in our last 1-minute (with someone that you really care) just to let them know how much they meant for us?

Love is pure. Sometimes you just don’t realize that it’s there. For example, you never really realize how much your parent loves you. It’s too pure that you just don’t really realize it. You keep arguing with them every time you got a chance. If you just once acknowledge and try to be more sensitive that all they did was based on the love for you. As I say, sometime you may forget or didn’t realize that is actually there on every step of your life. It’s there and makes you grow. It’s just an example why love is so pure. It’s like the air that surrounded us. We need it to survive. But sometime, we just don’t remember that it’s there. Feel it, what will make love more colorful and obvious in your own way.

I am advising you to show your love as much as you can. Push regrets away before it comes. You’ll never know what destiny may deliver you to. Tell the one that you love every time you got a chance. Forget about ego, forget about self-esteem, and forget about your pride. Just let them know, as it was your last minute with them. Show them that you care. Show them how much they mean to you. It’s about making a good memory, share times whether you are near or far. Give comfort to one and another. Make each other feel secure that everything will be fine. Bottom line make the most of it. Like it’s your last second with them. Then you’ll know that you had made the most of it. Then you know you had passed your day perfectly. Just make sure you did it right hope you won't wish you could turn back time. It’s never enough time to show love. But, you know you did the best and right for it.

I dedicate this blog to my coffee. Thank you for making my days beautiful. Thank you for holding me so tight when I think I’m about to fall. Thank you for supporting me on each difficult things in my each and everyday. You have stand by my side while I walk through my life long enough than we realize. You give me comfort. You give me the fairytale that I wish for. Thank you for being mine.

Fat Attack!

As I looked at the mirror today, I think I gain more weight. Ha ha, I realize I used to panic on this kind of thing. I blame it to the season. Yeah winter weight, it is so annoying when winter comes. You just can’t stop eating. You crave for this and that. You went to the supermarket and you end up adding cookies, chocolate and chips in your shopping trolley, instead of following your grocery list. I know! Forbidden foods in girl’s agenda.

We panic when we gain weight. Girls are afraid they will turn to unattractive girls. Coz we have the perspective that guys love girls who looks beautiful, attractive, skinny and sexy. But, do you really know what is in the mind of your guy?

I ask my boyfriend once what he finds attractive from me. He answer, he loves my fingers. He finds them sexy. He love my hair, He likes the way I looked at him and how I smile. He loves how it feels when he hugs me. He never thinks that my belly is too chubby. I started to think why he didn’t think I was too chubby in the belly? My friend told me, guys sometimes like a little bit fat. They like something they could hold. They don’t want to hug a skeleton.

Did you ever knew that they find it adorable that you care about the way you look but it doesn’t mean that they demand you to change? They feel disturbed when you got all paranoid about how you look.

I wish that all girls could see the meaning of "guys likes beautiful girls" from a different perspective. You don't have to look like supermodel to be beautiful. let's categorize them as goddess instead. But, What is beautiful? It is how you dress and how your personalities are. How you look healthy and glow. It is how your eyes glare. What is attractive? It is how you smile and how you laugh. How you see life and how you think. How you walk and talk. How you pampered your self not how you torture yourself. It is how comfortable you are about yourself.

I read an article the other day. There is a statistic that shows how many girls try to do a strict diet and force them self to the gym just to lose weight. They cut down their foods and try to eat small portions or even once a day. They avoid eating deserts or sweets. But, then I started to wonder why do girls went all those things just to be skinny? Do you feel afraid that you will be breaking up with your guy because how you look?

Believe me sometime I get paranoid about that as well. Once, I ask my boyfriend does my thigh looks big. He said it would be better if it were little smaller and tight. I laugh; I said thanks and I’ll try to make it smaller, which I don’t know how. But then I said to him, he also has to try living with these ones as well. I find it adorable how he tries to let me know and be honest. But, I could see how uncomfortable he is for being honest to me. It doesn't mean that we are going to break up because of it. Do you know why I did that? I just want to know what does he thinks about me physically.

I know every guy have different opinions and taste if it comes to girls. Maybe some guys are pretty demanding. What girls need to do is to communicate on what your guy thinks on how you look. Try to make a giggle out of it. As long as you try to take care of yourself and hopefully they will appreciate it. By the end of the day if you feel comfortable and take a good care on how you look, your guy will feel the same. If they can't tolerate. Don't even bother to stay with a guy who doesn't appreciate for who you are. You did try to take care of yourself anyways.

Hey! we are humans’ nobodies perfect. We are beautiful as god made us. Just take care our self, but don’t over do it. Spoil and pampered our self, but do control it for your own health.

What’s wrong with a little fat if it makes you healthily beautiful?

Not About The Best but The Right!

I read a phrase; you have to learn to love yourself before you can learn to love someone else. By loving your own self you will search for someone who could treat you just right coz you know who you are and you know how you want to be treated, you just know what you need. Do you agree?

The greatest loves for me are; the love of god to us, the love between you and the people you called family, and there is two other loves that matters for me: 1. is the love that you have for yourself 2. is the love that you get from someone else, your someone special.

But did I learn to love myself before I meet my Mr. Right? I am not that sure.

You may ask your self these questions below: Who is my “someone special”? When will I meet him/her? I ask those questions to myself as well. I was searching for the best guy. Then I realize that I will meet a guy and I will search in the market again for someone that is better. The search for “the best guy” will take forever. I learn to know myself. Afterwards I know, I want the right guy and not the best. I want a guy that "click" with me not just the best in the market. The search for the right one is a surprise. The right man is the man who could flip you, just in a blink of an eye. Do Mr./Mrs. Right really exist?

My coffee and I were In a relationship long time ago. It was on our junior high time. We broke up. But then we turned out to be one of close friends for one another. Inside our close friend relationship, we never thought that a deeper love was hidden and growing. After the first break up and knowing each other more as close friends, we realize we were blind. We didn’t realize that we are two different piece of puzzle. We are two pieces that fits. Surprisingly, we have been in 1 same box for so long.

I wish what’s best for me. If he is the best one for me, then let it be. If it’s not then let me be strong to walk and move on. And all I do after is to keep on wishing, trying, patient and walk slow as I try to read my signs, as I learn to be aware of my instinct. I believe everything has their own times and reasons. 2007 begin, we bind our relationship again. And this time we hope and try to keep it for forever.

He is the man that could talk to me in the right way. He could calm me in my worst days. He is a gentleman. You might say in the beginning of a relationship you could only see the beautiful part of it. After a while the flaws will come to the surface. Well that’s true. I said that in one of my previous blogs as well. You may ask, then what is so special about this one?

It is a pleasure to look at him while he is sharing all his passion. He have a different glare in his eyes when he is talking about photography, he have a different glare when he is playing the guitar, he have a different glare when he is talking about planes and he have different glare when he talks about dream and life. He has a special glare when he looks deep into my eyes. If you are I, you will feel the warmth. You just can feel the care. You can see that he cuts deep into you. He makes me stumble when he looks at my eyes. It just shakes me to the core and made me all weak.

He is a man that I adore. He have the will, he have a vision. He is the guy that sees his future and tries to map his next step as he walk through life. He is an open minded man. It’s just beautiful how he can send messages through his eyes. It’s always fun when we communicate with our eyes. He is my gentle and fun guy. Well anyways, yesterday I wrote a blog about how my relationship with “my coffee”. Today I’m introducing to you “my coffee”. I’m sharing with you the ingredients inside him.

He love airplanes, he love photography and he love movies. He love “Calvin and Hobbes”, he love guitar and he love the band called “The Cake”and "Weezer". He likes to read. He love tequila, he is cute when his drunk. He loves to drink coffee when he wake up. He love his family. He love his pets, and he went “nuts” when he sees dogs and cats. He loves the color green, and Intermilan is his soccer team. He has a special way to stand when he brushes his teeth (I found this one so cute). He likes rum raisin ice cream. He is not that much of a fan for tuna. But actually he’s flexible when it comes to food. He turns silent when his hungry (he looks so funny). He is not a fan of warm weather. He prefer the weather when it’s cold or chilly. He keeps his feet out of the blanket while he sleeps even it’s a cold night. He love to help me in the kitchen when he is around.

He find it hard to say “no”. He is a "silent" guy if you meet him for the first time. He will silently learn about you as you talk. He has a special way when he looks at people. He is sensitive and thoughtful. He is patient and understanding. He is not that open till he trusted you. You got to find a right way just to approach and made him to say what is/are on his mind. he is a great listener and a problem solver. He know how to send his opinion. He is wise and charming. he has taste and he has his own style. He has his own scent and sweet lovely smile. He is smart and has a high curiosity. I love to ask questions and discuss complicated things with him. By end of the day we share more than we hope for. We could discuss from politics to religion, from life happiness to problems, from jokes to serious things. We could discuss about dreams to many things. We could go on and on and keep exchanging opinion. We could go on for the whole day. He could comfort me even I’m miles away, he could make me smile even if he is in the other country. There are still many things about him I couldn’t list it all. He is everything. And the most important thing is what he are is not so different as I am. It's weird but it's true.

Well I don’t mind how you think. Just wanted to share why the “colorful glare coffee” (I have been waiting for so long) is so special. It’s just lovely when you are in a relationship that you know he/she love you as you are. By the end, the right one will turn into the best eventually.

After I write so many, I started to wonder, Do we really need to learn to love ourself to find someone that is right? Will we be introduce to the word LOVE after you have learned to love yourself?

My Long Distance Coffee..

When I woke up today I had this weird thought and it shocked me. I am in a relationship with someone that I patiently wait to come. Yes everybody! I am proudly to announce that I am leaving the store and enjoying my coffee, for I am done waiting. I finish my 1st journey book and I’m starting a new one. I got what I want. My coffee! He is my special someone that I will enjoy as I strut proudly back in the journey of life. He is my sweet company. He is the mixture of every single thing. Not so sweet, not so bitter, not so creamy and not so hot neither cold. He is the mixture of right or I should say Mr. Right. He could make me laugh, he could make me cry, and he could say the right things when things went wrong.

I started to realize another thing; we start this relationship by having a long distance relationship. We are not too far from each other. Even in the world map, the countries we are living in are next to each other. But, it couldn’t be denied that we are in different countries. It’s fine for me and I hope it goes the same way for him. I believe, it makes us appreciate more on the times we have, times when we get the chance to be together to cure all the misery that is famously known as “missing each other”. We try to create as lovely time as we could, so that those memories could be a company when we are far away from each other. I heard people told me long distance relationship barely work. I started to wonder, is that phrase true?

I try to think harder is it true that people avoid misty woods and surrender easily to promising island instead? Are most people tired of trying also believing and give it up to faith instead? Do people prefer something on the recipe book instead of making their own invented meal from scratch? Do people prefer something seen by their eyes than taking risk to search something that is invisible for a while and it's actually right in front of their eyes? Do people prefer things with guarantee? Well there are many things should be questioned about people in the world. It is all depends on the principles that they hold.

Somehow most people that I know, they are more cynical than they used to be. I could say, most of the time they barely remember the words hope and believe. They ran away from things that are to vague. They went for things that they think are safe. But then, their heart actually prefer the adventure for something that is worthier. Is it true we better play it safe than taking extra risks?

Well I couldn’t say that is wrong. It may be a right thing to do for other department in life. But, in love life and friendship, I guess those theory and practice should not be done in most things. Life it needs sacrifice.

You can throw questions such as; do you really trust your partner; aren’t you scared that he/she will cheat on you? Don’t you ever feel afraid that he/she will meet someone else that is better than you? Well imply that to yourself and think. Don’t you think that your partner have the same fear in their minds? SO now what? The answer is honesty, trust and try to do the right thing. You have to trust your partner, be honest to what you think and try to keep yourself in track. For example, you feel he/she is cheating. Don’t judge that he/she is doing all the cheating. But, let them know what you are thinking, if you are scared that they are, then let them know.If, you are listening to your partner that they are scared that we are cheating, don’t feel judge by them but comfort them. If you are cheating, then realize it before it's too late, be honest and ask for apology. Some say once a cheater then they always are a cheater. The cheater tag could be cut off. It’s all about the click. You can measure it with feelings and thinking rationally. Communicate well. It’s a 2 way street. It has to be in balance. Okay, I guess I’m spinning here, I’m repeating myself and making you confuse so I’ll break it down for you in a conclusion. Would long distance relationship work?

There is a slight difference between a long distance and close relationship (I might call). But, the bottom line is both of the relationship could work perfectly. Relationship is part of life. They have the same basic theory and that is do things right. Communicate right. If you trust him/her then trust them right. If you don't trust him/her then tell them why you don't and try to trust them. If something bad happened, give them another chance don’t give up on it. If you really care you'll remind him/her. If you fail at work you’ll hope for a second chance and you hope your co-workers and boss will trust you again. It is the same in a relationship with your love ones. They or you may slip and made some mistakes. We are neither angel nor babies that are pure and clean. We are covered with scar, with flaws. To be alive is to learn. Learn to forgive then learn to trust again. If the mistake keeps repeating then it’s your rights to make the call either to end or be understanding and live with it.

I believe my relationship to work. Why not? There is no reason not to. In life we have to push forwards not standing still, we have to learn to stand up when we fall. We have to learn to stand tall as high as we could without forgetting to keep our feet on the ground. If you want to see life from one side, life is difficult at the present when you are facing the problems. And from the other side life is simple, how difficult could it be, coz obviously we will get through. As long I appreciate what I have with him, as long I remember what I went through to reach him, and what is my reasons, my feelings, and consideration till I decide to be in a relationship with him. These feelings and thinking goes for him as well. As long we are in the same page and try to make the best of it, then why not? we care and we hold each other hands. We click! I could say distance should not be a problem. Everything happens for a reason. It’s how we handle the distance that’s matter. The way we communicate that effects. How we spend our times together (in the best way that we could) cover the times when we are apart and it will decide. If we try to do things right what worst could happen. I know we will get through it perfectly. Just him and me.

Goodbye 2006 Welcome 2007!

Imagine you are sitting in a dark room and feel so lonely that it couldn’t turn even worst than that. Breakdown strikes that you don’t even know what to do. All you have been doing is sitting in your small couch that you put close to the window for such an event. You were hoping and wishing that someone will sneak to your room and cover your eyes. Having such a surprise, knowing that suddenly that you are not alone and you got the company that you have been hoping for through your holiday, through your lonely days.

That’s what I got, what I feel in the last days before New Years Eve strikes. Unbelievable my hope came true in the last minute. All the balls that juggles up and down most of my time, the rollercoaster ride I have been taking, the breakdown, the spirit to stand, the force you gave your self that you could be there to where you are hoping yourself will be, all the things I've been through the whole year, came a little bit to order. It feels amazing. In a way it was a sad day but I tried to see it through the bright side. There are always bad things inside a good.

Bottom line I have someone that I expected here with me through one of the lovely day in the beginning of the year. There might be something sad happened, but I feel thankful that he was here on that day. When the year change, he was standing next to me and smiled as the fireworks colored the dark rainy sky of Amsterdam. It was lovely. It couldn’t be even worst and better than that in the same time. The rain couldn’t be heavier than that, since I’m soak from head to toe. I know I didn’t spend my new years eve with all of my family, all my lovely friends. But, the happiness that I have is the closes from what I expected in spending my new years eve. I got some of my lovely friends and my special someone, even one of my lovely brother next to me, shared the moment in one of my beautiful city that I could feel home. It’s a little bit of everything in my life. That is more than I can expect. All the cheering, all the love was mixed in the air and made its own color in the sky. All the feeling resolved my own cocktail inside my belly. It gave me all the butterflies. It was lovely.

I do hope all the people in the world had a little bit of something special in starting the New Year. I do hope every single person in the world at least enjoyed the change of the year with one of his or her love ones. Or even though they might not, hope they are companied by the lovely memories of 2006 and beautiful hope from 2007. So to close this blog, I wave goodbye 2006 and spread my hands to welcome 2007!